Banned List
Please note: The following things have been arbitrarily banned from our apartment. Sorry, but they are non-negotiable. So if you come over, don’t bring them:
1. Shoes.
2. Orange Blossom Cream Ale.
3. Britney Spears.
4. Tube socks. (when worn pulled up with shorts)
5. Michael W. Smith.
6. Cats, rabbits, and other allery-inducing creatures. (Dustmites ok as non-avoidable)
7. Guatemalan bacteria. (Runs so fast you can’t keep up!)
8. Furniture costing in excess of $5.
9. Green flood lamps and all pyrotechnic hijinks. (Brent!)
10. Pictures of supermodels or Barbie dolls. (This does not include Marilyn Monroe as she has curves. Big difference!)
11. Horror movies and John Wayne films (or other, equally painful Westerns). **Amnesty granted to the movie Blazing Saddles
12. Orange furnishings, including all shades from Burnt Sienna to School Bus.
13. The number 13. (If you have to have this explained to you then you won’t find it funny anyway)
14. Telling people your dreams. (I mean, that has to be the height of egotism. And who really cares?)
15. Ramen noodles.
16. Political rants. (you can be right. You can be left. You can be green. But you can’t embarrass us or our other guests with long boring diatribes.)
17. Bats, unless accompanied by Christian Bale. (We figure Batman could control the bats and protect us from them. And let’s be honest, if Christian Bale wanted to drop by sometime, he could bring whoever he wanted.)
