Trapped
Ladies and Gentlemen, for the remainder of the show, the role of Screwed will be played by Melissa.
We cannot get out. We are stuck in Houston with a Category 5 hurricane headed towards us. Why? Well, there are 5 million people in the Houston Metropolitan area. Try evacuating even half that. It can’t be done.
Last night we sat in the car on the highway for hours. It was stop and go, just inching along. We were doing a ten-minute mile; Matt Van D. could run faster than we were able to drive. And the traffic reports said it was like that all the way to Austin and beyond. So, we turned around and came home at about 5am. This morning, the traffic is even worse. And there’s a worse problem: a gas shortage. Almost all of the gas stations are out of fuel. Beacuse of the traffic, the tankers are going to have serious, serious difficulties getting around the city in order to refill the tanks at the gas stations.
At this rate even if they miraculously don’t run out of gas, those people will still be sitting in traffic tomorrow when the storm hits, and they will not yet be out of reach of the hurricane-strength winds. I’m sorry, but if I have to weather a hurricane, I’d rather do it in the church building (which is better than up to code and was built to withstand the kind of wind they expect) than in a car. Last night I looked at the highway and thought about the fact that hurricanes spawn tornadoes, and shuddered. That highway is a death trap and the Mayor of Houston ought to know better. You simply can’t evacuate this many people.
So, we’re staying here. We’ll go to the church right before the storm hits. Looks like we’ll get to have that ‘Ritas for Rita party after all. Well, we have plenty of food and water. Am I scared? No. I know that God is in control. But I’m antsy and easily spooked. I did not sign up for this. And there’s nothing to do now until the storm hits, you know? So we sit around, eating Cheerios and hot dogs because the gas has to be turned off, trying to nap, since we didn’t sleep at all last night, trying to read, watching TV or playing games when that fails, all the while getting a tiny bit more keyed up as the hours pass.
And now, back to my SNL marathon.
