Subtitled, “Some Necessary Cliff-notes for the Uninitiate, or Why I Hate Wedding Showers.”
I thought I should post this before I began posting about my summer of weddings. Just in case.
There is great wisdom to be found by reading Helen Fielding (creator of Bridget Jones’ Diary). Why does her writing appeal to so many women world-wide? Beacause it hits home. It’s funny because it’s true. A tad bit over-the-top, perhaps, and more than a bit painful, but the kernel of truth is definitely there. There’s a little bit of it in all of us.
In her book Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination, Fielding hits upon a profound truth. Girls do not dislike each other because they are jealous of each others looks. They dislike each other because some are on the Girls Team and some are not. With women who are on the Girls Team, it doesn’t matter how tall, thin, and gorgeous they are; you can’t help liking them. They are confiding and create comradeship simply by breathing; they are uncritical of appearances, and when something occurs to make them look silly or stupid they bring it to the table and share it to all laugh over together. They have a sense of humor, and they don’t take themselves too seriously. Then there are the Others. These girls want to make themselves look better at the expense of the rest of us. They talk about people behind their backs; they manage to look perfect– and they know it– and they manage to make you feel like it matters; and they say things that sound alright on the surface, but actually have an underlying assumption or implication that makes you squirm and feel badly about yourself.
The Common or Garden variety Bridal Shower has a greater concentration of these Others all in one place than society in general does. (This has little to do with your group of friends and much to do with the fact that there are rarely any men at a shower.) And it only takes two of these Others sitting together and making comments to each other to make the thing misery for the rest of us. Thus the purpose of the shower has evolved to have absolutely nothing to do with the bride. Instead, it has everything to do with giving the Maid of Honor an opportunity to show off how perfect she and her party-throwing skills are, and when there are as many to attend as I have this spring and summer, it turns into a mad one-ups-man-ship race, like the Cold War (only with protagonists who have much better footwear; combat boots are, like, so out). I’m so glad the shower I threw for my friend Lisa was back in November! I got in before there was much to compare it to. So much less pressure.
The other purpose of these showers is making people like myself feel fat, unstylish, and single. I swear, almost every girl there feels like she is the worst dressed and the worst looking. Now, you know as well as I that that cannot be true of every girl in the room! But nevertheless it is how we all feel.ÂÂ
By the end of a shower I inevitably feel the need to go home, mess up my hair, remove all traces of make-up from my face, dish up some chocolate-chip-cookie-dough ice cream, and sack out on the couch after having put on blue jeans and either a) my t-shirt that says “natural beauty” if it hasn’t really been all that bad and I’ve retained a sense of humor, or b) my t-shirt that says “F— your fascist beauty standards” if it’s been truly awful and I’ve entirely lost my sense of humor. It’s all about achieving balance, you know.
If only I could achieve that balance while at the showers.
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April 27th, 2006 at 10:09 am
I’ve been to one wedding shower in my life - a co-ed deal that came out the blue and left me dressed in toilet paper as a bride. Needless to say. I’m not a fan. Perhaps the process of multiple showers will give you opportunities to develop more of that balance.
April 27th, 2006 at 11:49 am
Is this in reference to the shower we were both in attendance at last Saturday? If so, I totally understand.
April 27th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Hey girl! Just noticed your comment on my journal. Thanks
I miss you guys tons!
You hit it right on here! I was hysterical at your last wedding-shower-fest entry. Truth be told, �´m very glad to be away from all the wedding madness right now. Although I´m happy for my friends, I needed to get away from all that. Keep blogging about your wedding shower and wedding adventures. You crack me up.
Love as always,
Mindy
April 27th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
It’s good to be a guy.
At the rest of the showers, you should go to cottonfactory.com and get one of those shirts to wear. I recommend the one that says, “if you think I got this cool by doing drugs, think again.”
At least, that’s what I would do if I had to go to bridal showers.
April 27th, 2006 at 9:04 pm
Parke - I dare you to post pics… somebody MUST have taken pics.
Mel - Please don’t wear your F shirt if you do that poetry vid for me… I like my church.
nooc
April 27th, 2006 at 9:24 pm
Ha, never. A picture exists somewhere, but I don’t keep one around.
Speaking of dares, that shirt certainly would be taking a risk for a missional pastor…
April 28th, 2006 at 7:31 am
haha, as soon as i got that comment, I was about to email you!! today is the 28th!!! it’s general admission, so just go ahead and buy, and I will too!! yaya!!!!
April 30th, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Don’t worry, I won’t wear it! I want you to keep your job, it sounds like you’re doing very cool things. Besides, that shirt is only for when I am feeling upset or rebellious; it channels the bad feelings and makes me feel better.
I guess I don’t really fit the good Christian mold, despite the fact that I was raised by youth group leaders and ought to have learned better. Oh well; it takes all kinds.
May 1st, 2006 at 2:18 pm
No worries Mel.
I am on staff and also an elder in our church (currently on leave from the board while I’m on staff). And two weeks ago in the church office I lost it and gave another staff person the finger.
Very, very bad judgement that I deeply regretted… after I got over how good it felt.
We’re all on a journey.
Greg
May 2nd, 2006 at 9:50 pm
Ha ha… very funny. And oh-so-true. Now that my own wedding is over (note that I DID very much want to elope), I can safely say that I would be perfectly happy never attending another shower or another wedding again. Especially showers. Just finished up the last one for my sister, and it was SUCH a relief to get it over with. Silliness.
May 14th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
May I recommend the shirt of bustedtees.com that has a smiling couple cutting the cake with the words BIG MISTAKE lettered across the top? I’d wear that one.