Quarter-Life Crisis
OK, so the other night I went out with some sorority sisters (who, admittedly, are a few years younger than me) and they brough along some fraternity brothers (who are much younger than me) and they were talking about somebody who just turned twenty one. (For you UK-ers, that’s the age in the States at which it is legal to buy/consume alcohol, tobbacco, and fire-arms.)
And it suddenly struck me: next April, I will turn twenty five! Twenty five! Aaack! And I have no plan, no direction. And I wake up each day feeling more confused than the day before.
Now, I don’t think that I need to have it all together at the age of twenty five. But I’d like to have chosen a spot on the map and said, “There. Right there. That’s where I’m headed. And I’ve bought my train ticket, or am at least saving up money for it. And when I get there I’m gonna do this and then I’m gonna go elsewhere and do that.”
Twenty five!
Twenty five.
And no closer to travelling the world, getting a dog, getting married, having kids, owning a home, owning a car, or even buying that beautiful camera I’ve wanted for three years. All I have to show for it is a row of herbs growing in pots on railing of my apartment.
Twenty five. It sorta snuck up on me. Like that line under my eye and that wrinkle in my forehead. Lord, have mercy.
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:04 am
Mel, I think you’ve only gotten better with the years! (not that you were bad before)
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:14 am
Weren’t you the one giving me the “age is just a number” speech over the last year.
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:41 am
“Twenty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained twenty-five for years.”
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:59 am
Mel,
I think that 25 would be a good legal age for consuming fire-arms. Twenty-one year olds shouldn´t get all the glory!
Mindy
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:26 am
Jennytee, wine does that, too.
Like the stuff we drank at Meg’s wedding reception…hee hee.
Eric, I never practice what I preach; it would be too straight-forward and boring.
Phil, I am too old to be fooled by you and too young for that quote to be applied to. Oscar Wilde originally said thirty five.
Mindy, I miss you! Come home. I need you more than Germany does.
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:39 am
Just in case it goes to your bulk/junk folder again, I’ve replied to your short email!
Oh, and I think it’s much better to have a life crisis at 25 rather than 45.
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:42 am
Ooops. Wrong login!
August 3rd, 2006 at 1:16 pm
I agree with Sam. Much better to have the crisis now. My crisis hit at 24. It is my prayer that you find direction and purpose as I did.
By the way, is your ADX sorority at all related to the AGO fraternity?
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:00 pm
Lol Yes, Dave, we are. They are out brother fraternity on a national level. There is no Chapter of Alpha Gamma Omega at my university though so we cheerfully adopted the local chapter of Sigma Theta Epsilon, which is a national Christian service fraternity.
By any chance are you or someone you know a brother?
-Mel
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:06 pm
Yes, actually, I am alumni of AGO Zeta chapter from the University of California at Santa Barbara. I graduated in December 2001. And your “adoption” of STE explains the “STE brothers” link on your main page. Very cool.
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:18 pm
That’s so crazy! Never thought I’d meet a sister or brother on Vox. Silly me; there are a lot more of you in Cali than in Cincinnati. How small the world truly is.
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:21 pm
I’m turning 35 in a month and a half and thinking/feeling very similar thoughts/feelings.
And not to minimize what you’re going through… but if you can keep a row of potted herbs thriving on an apartment railing I am freakin’ impressed. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be content with accomplishing that in life? Maybe we need to give ourselves the permission to be content with those types of accomplishments… even if only for a season.
[sigh]
Then I think is it really direction/career/clear goals/having it together/having all my ducks in a row that I’m pining for? Or is it peace. Acceptance of who I am. Validation as a person. Comfort in my own skin. Wholeness.
I learned in the sermon this past Sunday that Shalom implies so much more than peace. It means wholeness. So when Jesus told the town harlot her sins were forgiven and to go in peace… He wasn’t just saying walk out of here minus the guilt you came in with… He was pronouncing the blessing of wholeness. She went out made WHOLE. Can you imagine the impact of being WHOLE? No longer influenced and undermined and restrained by insecurities, expectations, wounds and the past? How would we then live???
Shalom to you, Mel
nooc (the town harlot)
August 3rd, 2006 at 4:17 pm
I definitely care, Mel. It seems the things that we followers most live for are sometimes the hardest to capture in our minds and value.
As I’ve just past the 28 year mark, I look at the accomplishments of friends - having children, marriage, high-level employment - it can be discouraging. But then I look at that places I’ve been and I wonder, “Who would have encouraged that hurting friend?” “Who would have listened to the person who just wasn’t that lovable?” “Who would have to done the more menial jobs and helped the speaker stay focused on his or her skills?”
If I succeeded in any of these things, it’s because of God’s gifts of life and love. But the point is that I was used for the small and important. I have little doubt that similar things are true of you. Keep fighting the small battles for the weak that are quickly forgotten. The other things will come… or they wont. One thing we know is that God will be glorified and more people will be loved. That’s what this whole deal is about anyways.
August 3rd, 2006 at 4:45 pm
Yeah I am glad you came out to Arthur’s with me and my young friends, I am sorry if they made you feel old. But I think there were people older than you at the table next to us, right? be proud that you haven’t been duped into marrying some schmuck or knocked up by some schmoe. I love you just the way you are, at the ripe young age of 24. Now get home quickly so we can go buy groceries.
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:39 pm
at least you have the herb garden.
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:24 pm
Mel,
It isn’t any better to have a goal that takes money and a job that doesn’t generate enough. In fact, I’d wager that it’s worse.
Come comment on my site so I don’t feel lonely, k?
Boy, doesn’t that sound like a loser’s comment? 
And I agree with — at least you’ve got the herbs. My new place in Clifton has a pile of stones in the back yard. I’m going to build them into an alter to the Lord and pray for grass!
~Merry
August 4th, 2006 at 12:01 am
25 was good for me! It was like everyone actually viewed me as an adult then. Things I said were not just the “youngin talkin” .
Whatever road life takes you down…don’t rush it. God has a perfect plan for you…he knows you want to be settled like all your millions of friends getting married this summer…but He has plans for you. And sometimes it just takes the letting go…saying alright…take me for a ride…and it all opens up before you.
August 4th, 2006 at 1:17 am
Mel, there are more of us in California, but it is still kinda cool to run into a sister here.
And I think I should add that obahsomah sparked something for me. 25 was my turning point. Everything that I was destined to become had its foundations laid by the end of 24. Since partnering with Dean on projects out here, finding the purpose and mission my life was designed for, I no longer look back to the first 24 years with any regret. I can see the hand of God in all of it, shaping, guiding, and protecting me for this present future. Right now, I’m 26.
Cheers!
August 4th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
i am so with you on the quarterlife crisis thing… so with you…
August 4th, 2006 at 8:32 pm
I am curious what everyone here thinks the major contributing factors are to this quarter-life crisis. What led up to it? What caused it? Was it a gradual realization or something that showed up suddenly? Thoughts?
August 4th, 2006 at 8:53 pm
For me it’s been both. Gradual frustration ever since I started working full time…now transitioning out of the job I’m in and feeling like the past year has been a total waste of time (I know in my head that it isn’t but I still feel like I haven’t accomplished anythiong)…attending something like fourteen weddings in one summer…watching a good family friend have a baby…seeing my Aunt Lori move to LA…watching a bunch of friends take off for other countries to do missions or for jobs.
I just feel like I’m stagnating. It’s not that I want to be married with kids right now. That’s not it at all. I’d be happy to wait a while on that one. But I want an adventure, whatever it is. And I don’t have one right now and what’s worse, I don’t have any plans to go on any. I need a plan. Why? Because everyone else seems to have one Lol. That’s the worst of Christian sororities. Everyone seems to get married so young!
August 5th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Mel,
My crisis was one of perspective. I could not see that time I devoted to causes now past, jobs I did not like, and friends I no longer have were all training me for the future.
I thought my accounting job was a waste of time, along with my accounting degree, but a few years after the fact, I am moving quickly in the direction of owning a business or two and serving financial and administrative roles in more all while working in construction.
It is true of the fraternity and sorority scene that marriages tend to happen young. I will be surprised if our Father intends me to marry before I am thirty. There is much to be done and even as I long for the companionship, I cannot but marvel at what my current flexibility allows. I imagine a woman exists who will fit perfectly into my life, but I have not met her yet.
I spent years in the church listening to friends and other speak excitedly about missions overseas and the pursuit of new and better jobs. All of them sought adventure, but few knew it. I have felt the depth of desire for adventure, but somehow I always knew I would find it right here. And I have.
Do not suppress any desire for adventure. We were made for it. But the best adventures are connected to intentional plans and intentional plans find their roots in goals. The seeds of great goals are the visions of the visionaries.
It is not a matter of geography, martial status, publication, profession, or publicity. It is the epic events of our lives that can change the world and, better yet, save it.
I do not write any of this by way of instruction, but of reminder. It is the perspective that counts. Be careful to write off lessons learned as stagnation. Even these can be necessary preparation for adventures ahead.
Dave
August 9th, 2006 at 3:38 am
Mel, I understand. Boy, do I ever understand. I’m at the 25 mark now and realizing that if I actually go through with this grad school plan (which would be the only way I could actually have a job in the field that I want to work in), I literally won’t be working doing what I want until I’m thirty, which means— when on earth am I going to have a family? There is simply not enough time. It’s a tad frightening sometmes. Thanks for your comment on my site… I’m back online now and lovin it! XoXo
August 9th, 2006 at 7:00 am
Lauryl,
Yes, the thought has crossed my mind as well. Sometimes I’m ok with it. And then sometimes I’m not.
Today is a day I’m thrilled with it! Why on earth do I seem to go through these periods of being unable to commit to anything? Isn’t that supposed to be a guy thing? Sigh. I suppose I can’t have it both ways. How did you get up the nerve to get married? I suppose the fact that his name was Samuel helped…you were fated for a Samuel!